So close and yet so far

The water reflects the beauty of her inner peace. In the sparkle of the sun she floats along the surface of the infinite ocean. Time, what is that, she wonders. Feeling the water and its energy deprives her of all sense of time. Outside everything is still, but inside everything is upside down. So many impressions, so much life. She never thought she'd be able to experience this feeling of being able to live through such a moment. She closes her eyes, stretches along her board and refills the last rays of the day's sunshine. With her fingertips she strokes the water surface and thinks of her home. So far away, yet now emotionally closer than before. Surprisingly, she thinks. She was never further away and felt closer to herself, her loved ones and the miracle of life. It's the distance that allows her to feel close. It is the silence that allows her to perceive the inner noise. And it is loneliness that only illustrates once again what communion really means.

For months now, she lives alone, gets to know people and appreciates nature more. Why does it take all these circumstances, all these changes, to see more and have less? One after the next question is circling around her head like a fish in an aquarium. She loses herself in the waters of the past and suddenly finds herself in times from which she had already said goodbye a long time ago. Maybe that was the answer. All the pain and loss leads to so much happiness and personal and intellectual growth. Suddenly she sees the end of a relationship and the loss of her first love as something pleasing.

And even though she still dreams of his smile and the look he gave her as soon as she hugged him lovingly, it now feels like sheer fate and happiness to be here and to be alone. The daydreams are not hopeless, filled with negative energy and regret. Rather, it is moments that now help her to walk along the path without standing and looking backwards.

Some people will never leave their heads. But instead of unwanted guests, she now sees them as part of herself and something that helps her unfold. In every unpleasant, unexpected situation, she sees not the darkness, but the light.

Out of nowhere, something pulls her out of her thought journey. She opens her eyes, looks around and at the same time into the depths of the sea, which on that day is as clear as she had never seen it before. There's got to be something here. The irregular motion she felt in the water wasn't an energy surge from the ocean, it was a life, she's sure of that. She looks further around and through the panic that has arisen in her subconscious, she forgets all that she has just experienced and thought. Now she no longer thinks of her old love, lost friends or distant family. The only pictures she's giving her head now are the three-meter-long sharks. Very close to fear, she manages to give it no room and collects the sources of her inner calm and serenity. She gains the certainty that life gives her what she needs right now, and whether it's a ten-foot shark, it's one for a reason, not just because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Still stretched out on the board, she wants to close her eyes again and get lost once more in the silence and infinity of life, when suddenly fate struck. A short fright, a quick erection and behold, a family of dolphins cross her path and wish her a wonderful day. She can't believe her eyes. If this really happens, she wonders, watching all the dolphins savor the moment of life, with every single jump out of the water and every subsequent dive through the worlds of the oceans. Ever since she surfed, this was one of the moments she dared to dream about night and day. She can't believe what life gave her in that moment. All the dolphins are still jumping out of and into the ocean. Her head's on power-saving mode, but her heart's on top. She feels closer not only to nature and to the animals but to herself and life.

She can also feel the joy and wonder of her mother, as if she was with her. A tear builds up in her glands and makes itself felt in her stomach. But she knows this will be one filled with so much love and gratitude. Crying no longer feels like a burden, but as an opportunity to get closer to yourself and your feelings. With a zest for life she has never felt before, she accepts all the emotions, closes her eyes and sends all her energy on a journey home. With her hand on the surface of the water, she notices an even greater energy coming from the depths of the sea. A wave as perfectly shiny as she knew it only from her dreams. Without hesitation, she paddles off. Filled with all the strength she has left, she comes closer to the moment. Focused on the energy of the wave, she manages to stand and can now see the world from a wider angle. The gaze is far ahead, but the soul is anchored in the now. With the sun's rays on her salty skin and a smile on her face, she rides her first long wave. “Surf for me!” she overhears her father say, and is now sure that he too could feel what she was experiencing. This is life, so beautiful and painful at the same time, a pure miracle to simply be.